Thursday, October 13, 2011

Funny How Time Flies

One year ago on this day, I was SICK.....no, I was not physically ill, but I was sick.  You see, one year ago from tomorrow, was without a doubt the worst day of my life, thus far.   

I have gone through a divorce and all the mess that goes along with it.  I have watched my mother's health diminish to nothing over the course of five years and sat at her deathbed for 36 hours, watching her drift away....none of those things compare to what we all went through a year ago tomorrow.

It was the 14th of October, 2010, when the land auction of my paternal grandfather's land took place.  He didn't see fit to leave it to family members (of which Dad and I are the only ones involved in agriculture and we had been using the land all of my life.) or at least allow us to buy it privately the way most families would do.  No, he had one last trick up his sleeve...one more controlling hold on us.  And a public land auction was just that kind of control. 

As per the will, the land had been entrusted to a bank, who in turn, listed with an ag land sale real estate company. The agents from this company were pretty sure "locals" would not bid against family members for the land.  It's not a law, but it is one of those unwritten rules that we Sandhillers usually abide by.  One of those "Golden Rule" type things, I guess you could say.

At any rate, most of our neighbors had called or stopped in to tell us they would like to own it, but would not bid against us if we planned to purchase it.  We felt good knowing our neighbors supported us and understood what a dirty trick my grandad was pulling on us.  However, what we didn't know was who the real estate company had that might bid against us.  We had heard things about this company that made us very untrusting of their methods.  There were practically new roads in "our" pastures where the agents had driven around showing the land, which my dad had cared for so well over the past 40-some years.  It felt like they were trespassing, even though I knew legally they were not.  My heart felt heavy every time I would travel across one of the pastures checking water and looking at the cattle.

We had spent many months beforehand getting finances in order for the purchase of 4,840 acres of the land that linked Dad's land to mine. It was land we needed just to stay in business. And we had set a price that we felt we were able to spend on it. Some of that land we felt we needed more than other, although, truthfully, we needed every inch of it. We had tried to devise a game plan for how we thought things would go and how we would respond to it.  The unknown was terribly stressful.  How could we plan for this?  We had no idea what we would be left with at the end of that day......

The day of the auction was just about like any other fall day.  Dad and I penned calves and doctored a couple sickies.  I remember thinking that it was hard to imagine a day as normal as this started out could end up being so life changing.  

I won't go into all the gory details of the sale, although it was pretty sickening.  Suffice to say, we were bid up a great deal on land.  One of the worst things about this is that at the time the auction was taking place, there wasn't time for me to ask Matt and Dad what they would like for me to do.  I had all of our fates, collectively, in my hands at that moment.  I had to make decisions that greatly affected the three of us in ways we had not yet imagined.  Our game plan was out the window....it was nothing like we had even come close to imagining.

In the end, we were able to purchase all of the land that we had wanted.  We spent a lot more than we had anticipated, but we are able to make it work.  I mourned for several months that I had to do what I had done.  I felt guilty that I had put both of the people I love more than anything in the spot I had.  But finally, I came to terms with it.  As Matt said, "you wouldn't have been able to stand seeing someone else on your land.  We'd have had to move."  And he was right.  It WAS the right decision.

So a year later, I am even more certain than ever that I did the right thing that dreadful day last year.  I feel peace when I drive or ride across those pastures.  My heart swells with pride that I was able to keep the land together as it should have been all along.  And to quote a friend, "Hannah, you proved you have bigger balls than most of the men around here." 

I kinda like that.

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